Fever and Remorse
by Leather Sky
Summary: Junpei says too much to Akihiko in the midst of a bad fever and something strange is set in motion. Read to Chapter 3 for a simple ending and to Chapter 5 for a thorough ending. /slight edit to ch.5 but no re-read necessary/
1. Sound and Fury

He came out of it just enough to realize someone was next to him in the dark. All he could see was close-cropped hair and the fact that the person was sitting very straight. His vision swam too much for things to be any clearer than that. He felt the bed under him and the sheets clinging to his damp skin; the heat in the room stifled him. Summer? Where was he and who was this person sitting next to him so motionlessly? His mind faltered over possible explanations before the answer came to him in what seemed to be a sudden flash of clarity. Then, this must be _that_ night.

He struggled to replay it properly in his mind, even though it felt like watching something faded and blurry. This was the night his dad had come into his room and just sat there, deadly still like this, knowing Junpei was awake but not speaking to him. Junpei had gone on pretending to sleep and finally his dad had said, "I lost my job."

He felt like he couldn't really pretend to wake up after Dad said that, so Junpei hadn't moved. His dad waited, and Junpei found himself struggling to keep his breathing the same way it had been a minute ago, not too fast and not too often. It was unbearable. An eternity later his dad had looked away and said, "We're moving."

Then Junpei's father stood up. He probably wanted to say something else, but in the end he just left. Junpei had told himself he had fooled him, but he knew it wasn't true. The next day when his dad told him again that they were moving, it felt fake to both of them. Yeah, this was that night, no doubt about it. Junpei had never known why he kept pretending to be asleep, when all his dad wanted was to talk to him, or fight about it so they could both feel better, or even just hug him. He still didn't know.

He looked back at the figure next to the bed, conscious of a sharp pounding in his temples. Maybe this was Hell, (and it was hot enough to be), and maybe he was reliving that eternal awkward summer night until he got it right. He reached out until he felt hair and tried to think of words that would ease his father's mind. When his voice came it sounded faint and strange to him, and his pulse throbbed relentlessly in his ears, obscuring the other sounds in the room.

"Look, don't worry about it…we'll be fine."

His dad's face was cool to the touch, almost cold; it felt good. But the moment Junpei had touched him, his dad tried to pull away. Junpei felt a little hurt. "Are you still mad? Look, I didn't know what to say to you before. Don't…" It was so hard to hold onto Dad, or even to stay awake.

His dad stopped and then tried to get Junpei to lie back down. Junpei thought he was saying he needed his rest, but the voice was so faraway and…changed, it was hard to tell. He protested weakly. "Don't you want to talk? Why the hell did you come in here and wake me up?'

"I didn't mean to wake you up, go back to sleep!" That irritated tone was a little more like his dad, but something was still off. It hardly mattered; Junpei was quickly losing interest as he was losing consciousness.

"What…ever…" Junpei tried to see his dad's face properly but everything was so vague… "Maybe I was gonna say…'I don't care that you messed up…'" He faltered. "Or, you know, 'I love you' or something…but fuck that. Work out your own damn problems…"

"What the hell are you even talking about?" But Junpei, unconscious, didn't hear.

Akihiko punched the headboard. Better that than Junpei's stupid face. He was already angry at him for two excellent reasons. The first was that he didn't want to get Junpei's cold. Someone like him couldn't afford to get sick. He had too much on his plate. The second reason was the exams they had coming up. His studying schedule was regimented enough already without having to suddenly drop everything to take care of someone. Akihiko was a kind person, but he wasn't Mother Teresa.

He glared down at Junpei, who hadn't actually let go of his arm. This was clearly something one of the girls should be doing, anyway. But Mitsuru and the others had only looked to the side and said it might be more "appropriate" for a boy to go. Akihiko had felt like asking them what the hell exactly they expected Junpei to be able to do in this state, but he knew better. He had been there enough times in the past when Junpei had made Fuuka squeal and hide behind Yukari, or incurred the supreme wrath of Mitsuru. Still, he also knew that if, say, _Minato_ were sick…it suddenly wouldn't be quite so "inappropriate" for a girl to sit with him.

He tried to sit up more but it was difficult with Junpei weighing him down. After tentatively trying to slide his arm away from him, he gave up and jerked it back. As he had feared, this woke Junpei up again.

"Senpai…?"

"Stop right there; I don't want to hear it."

Junpei looked confused. 'What…hear what?"

Akihiko sighed and rubbed his forehead in irritation.

"Where's my dad?"

"…I don't know."

"Oh…" Junpei looked blankly to the side. Akihiko frowned and took his gloves off, moving to touch Junpei's neck. _Burning up_…he pressed his forehead against Junpei's for a moment and then drew back.

"You're like a forest fire." Akihiko felt a little worried in spite of himself, until Junpei managed to annoy him again. "Junpei…what are you doing? Don't do that…" Junpei had taken one of Akihiko's palms and pressed it to his face. His hands around Akihiko's were damp and oppressively hot.

"It feels cold. Don't take it away."

"Look, you can't have my arm, or my hand, or any of it!" Akihiko paused and fought to regain his patience. "So, just let me go…I'll get something better, something really cold, okay?"

Junpei looked up at him and whether it was from obedience, or that his arms had just gotten too weak, he let the hand go. Akihiko let out a breath and then went to go find a cloth he could soak in some cold water. _If that fever doesn't kill him_, he thought, _I might._

When he got back, he saw that Junpei had managed to get himself tangled half-in and half-out of the covers. Akihiko's jaw set and he went about trying to get him untangled, none too gently either. While he was in the process, Junpei said, "I wish Mitsuru-senpai were here."

"What the _Hell_ do you want her for?" This was something beyond exasperating. Not only was Junpei ignoring everything Akihiko was doing for him and asking for someone different, it looked like the girls might have been right after all.

Junpei only looked up at him gravely. "Ice."

"…huh?"

"It's the fire…it's out of control, right?" Junpei pulled reflexively at his shirt. "So…it's like, maybe she could…stop…" he panted, unable to finish his sentence.

Akihiko couldn't answer for a moment. He put a hand against the skin Junpei had exposed, feeling a little ashamed for what he had thought a moment ago. Junpei closed his eyes, and Akihiko reflected that he had been right all along, he wasn't a threat to anyone like this.

"It's not fire. You just have a fever."

"You said…it was a fire…"

"I said you feel like one…look, stop talking." Akihiko realized his hand was still on Junpei and hurriedly took it away. He pulled Junpei's shirt back into place and then reached for the cloth he had wetted, placing it against Junpei's face and neck. Junpei turned his face toward it and started to suck on one of the corners.

Akihiko's eyes widened. "Stop that! Look, if you're thirsty, I'll get you water."

Junpei looked up at him again. Akihiko was starting to feel increasingly disconcerted by that look. It was the kind of look you might see in children, or in the face of someone old, or someone you had power over. It was a terrifyingly simple mixture of obedience coupled with want and the purity of it shocked him. He realized that he had never, really, seen Junpei so completely helpless. Shaken, he got Junpei some water.

Junpei did his best to sit up to take it, but his arms were a little unsteady and Akihiko finally shook his head and had him lie back again. He hadn't managed to drink very effectively, either; most of the water had ended up going down his chin and from there to his neck where it soaked into his shirt. Akihiko wondered that it didn't evaporate before then.

"Thank you for trying…" Junpei's eyes were shut again but he was apparently having a lucid moment. "Senpai, you should go to bed…it's just got to run its course, right?"

Akihiko didn't reply, and Junpei struggled to open his eyes again. When he finally managed, he looked at him curiously. Akihiko merely looked back. Then he said, "You're right."

Junpei gasped and arched his back weakly as Akihiko poured the rest of the water directly onto him. It was the way he did it, slowly down the length of Junpei's body until the glass was empty, and more than that it was the way he _watched_ it happen, that made it unbearably intense. Akihiko kept watching silently as the water momentarily pooled against Junpei's stomach before snaking down his sides, and Junpei watched Akihiko, unable to do anything else.

Finally he said, "That was…a little too cold, Senpai…why'd you do that?"

Akihiko didn't apologize. Instead he replied, "I guess I'm a little angry at you." He spread his hand out on Junpei's stomach and brought the fingers together a little, feeling the water well up between them. "You couldn't say, 'No, I'm too tired.' Instead you had to go with us anyway, and now I'm stuck here taking care of you instead of studying. I really wanted to get the high score this time, too." Akihiko shook his head. "And here I always thought you were too dumb to catch a cold…"

Akihiko hadn't noticed the way his voice had changed when he was talking about getting the high score, but Junpei had. He looked genuinely saddened as he said, "I'm really sorry for messing things up for you, Senpai." Then he shut his eyes and didn't say anything else for long enough that Akihiko assumed he'd gone back to sleep. He was just about to let him go and return to the textbook he had barely gotten a chance to open when Junpei spoke up again suddenly, making him jump.

"That must be so tough…love shouldn't have any conditions."

Akihiko looked over at him, troubled. Then he shook his head; there was no way. Junpei couldn't be talking about him and Mitsuru…he must just be delusional again. Convincing himself of this, Akihiko said, "No, it shouldn't…hey, how about going back to sleep now? You need it."

Junpei had a faraway look in his eyes and Akihiko realized he hadn't even heard him. "Maybe she just says that to keep other guys from asking her out. She could have been waiting all along…you should at least…"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Akihiko's face was grim but he kept his voice as even as possible. Junpei wasn't too dumb to catch a cold, he reflected…not by half. "You're babbling again, go to sleep."

"I don't have conditions." As rambling and disjointed as Junpei had been earlier, there was no mistaking his meaning now. Akihiko stiffened.

"I'm going to forget you said that."

Junpei tugged at his pillow, seeming to notice it for the first time, and shrugged. "It's fine, I bet I won't be able to remember either."

Akihiko's hand on him slipped a little, and he said slowly, "…Yeah. I guess you won't remember anything about tonight later…huh?"

"No, I don't guess so." Junpei stretched and Akihiko's hand slid further.

The two of them regarded each other silently.


	2. The Point of No Return

"Are you dizzy?"

"No." That was clearly a lie.

Akihiko ran a finger up under Junpei's jaw and tilted his face back until he could see his eyes. They were unfocused. "Can you even see straight?"

Junpei refused to look at him. "Why do I have to?"

Akihiko didn't have a good answer to that. He only said, "You should take better care of yourself."

"Does that mean you're going to stop, then?"

"…no."

Junpei nodded, satisfied, and lowered his head again. Akihiko let him. What he was doing was probably about the most "wrong" thing he had ever done in his life. Junpei wasn't in his right mind. He couldn't consent to something like this. And they were doing it anyway.

Akihiko ran a hand down one burning side, counting each rib. Junpei's skin was hot enough that it was almost physically uncomfortable touching him. But the wool sweater had scratched against Junpei, and everything else had stuck to him, so Akihiko had taken it all off. Lying there against Junpei on the sheets that had been baked by his skin, Akihiko felt like he was surrounded by the same fire. Only the air on his back was still cool.

He hadn't kissed him, and Junpei hadn't asked. Somehow that would have made this worse. Instead, as his mouth confined itself to exploring the rest of him, Akihiko found himself surprised at how salty Junpei tasted. But after he reflected a moment, it made sense. Junpei had already drenched the sheets with his sweat.

After struggling the rest of the way out of his clothes Junpei had rolled partway onto his stomach, partially because he was overbalanced when Akihiko got into bed with him and partially, Akihiko thought, because he was shy. That was fine, but it made it hard to get to everything. He pressed his fingertips into Junpei's spine, running them down the length of it, to make him arch up. It worked better than he'd anticipated and he wondered if the fever made Junpei more responsive.

A moment later he decided he'd been right. He had barely slid one hand down to touch him lightly and Junpei's fingers were already dug into the sheets beside his face. Akihiko seriously considered then whether he should continue. What if he hurt Junpei later? Even in the ring, Akihiko never had a real desire to hurt anyone, only to win. Pain was reserved for his enemies. But by this time Junpei was into it and he very obviously didn't want Akihiko to stop. So, carefully, Akihiko wrapped his hand around him and went further, pressing harder and establishing a rhythm until he felt a solid shudder ripple through Junpei's body and then a moment later something slick and burning against his hand.

Akihiko froze for a moment, shocked. They were at the point of no return, now; the evidence of that was on his hand. His next thought was to wipe it off immediately, but as he looked around Junpei's room he didn't see anything he could really use to do that, unless he wanted to use someone's clothes. Then he looked down at Junpei and a new idea came to him. He moved back a little and slid his hand into the space between them. Junpei had subsided a little, but now he shivered again as Akihiko started to work him open.

Akihiko didn't really know how long he should do this, or how things were supposed to feel once Junpei was ready. After a minute or two though, it seemed like he wasn't as uncomfortable anymore, so Akihiko stopped and shifted his hips until the two of them were in place. He took a deep breath…and moved.

The heat surrounding him was oppressive and intoxicating at the same time. His eyes were shut tight and the sound of his own rough breathing sounded alien in his ears. He forced himself to stop--he was going much too fast--and looked to see how Junpei was taking all this. Junpei's eyes were shut tightly too, and after looking closer Akihiko realized he must have been on the verge of hurting him. Deliberately moving slower, he looped an arm around Junpei and pulled him a little closer. Akihiko began to say something into his ear, asking the most obvious question, when a knock came at the door.

Junpei probably didn't even notice, but Akihiko stiffened. He knew that particular knock. Before, he had always felt his heart speed up incrementally when he heard it (or maybe that was just an illusion), but this time he didn't welcome it. Breathing very deliberately and slowly before he spoke, he called, "Yes?"

"We're back." Mitsuru's voice was emotionless. "We…well, really _I_ wanted to know if you wanted someone else to take a turn." Her voice now was tinged just slightly with something else…shame, maybe. "I don't think I was very fair…may I come in?"

Junpei had finally noticed something, possibly because Akihiko had stopped. "Who…"

Akihiko clamped a hand over Junpei's mouth and raised his voice again. "I'm sorry, I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why not?" Mitsuru sounded a little irritated now. He knew what she was thinking: she had already made up her mind and admitted she had been wrong, so what more did he want?

"He's…" Akihiko's mind raced furiously. "He's been sick a few times, I'm changing his clothes right now. So, unless you want to help me do _that_…"

"_**Oh**_…" He could hear the blush in Mitsuru's voice. Sitting with a boy might still be within the realms of respectability for her, but taking one's clothes off was most emphatically not. "I…no. I-I'll leave you to it, then." Her steps retreated down the hall and he breathed a sigh of relief.

He came back to himself when he felt Junpei's labored breathing against his palm, and he quickly drew his hand away. "I'm sorry. …are you okay?"

Junpei got his breath back and then turned his face to look up at him. "Is it working yet?"

Akihiko knit his brow. "Is what working?"

"Dia…"

Akihiko frowned softly and ran a hand gently across Junpei's forehead. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"I heard Mitsuru-senpai talking…are we still fighting? Did we take it down yet?" Akihiko just looked back at him silently and Junpei went on, a little quieter, "…I didn't mean to keep you guys waiting…I'm okay now, though."

"Yeah." Akihiko rubbed the back of Junpei's head as he pulled out. There was no way he could continue now. Junpei's eyes started to drift shut again and Akihiko stayed next to him until he fell asleep.

Some undefined stream of seconds or hours later Junpei opened his eyes again. Mitsuru was sitting in a chair by the edge of his bed, reading, her legs crossed primly under her skirt. The room was light; he thought that it had been dark earlier.

Junpei sat up a little and rubbed his face. "Was…Akihiko-senpai…" He hadn't woken up earlier that morning when she had come in and roused Akihiko, telling him to go and get some proper sleep.

Mitsuru nodded. "I'm surprised you even remember. He was here last night; I came in to relieve him around seven." She paused and looked at him with obvious concern. "How are you feeling?"

"…I think I might be okay." Junpei rubbed his arms and looked around him. "Actually, what I really am right now is hungry."

Mitsuru smiled. "Are you? I'm glad to hear that." She got up, dusting off her skirt. "I'll see if we have anything, if you think you'll be all right on your own for a few minutes?"

Junpei nodded. "Oh yeah, I'll be fine…um, thanks." He watched her leave.

Then he settled back on the bed, wearing an uncertain frown. Out of the last twenty-four hours there were only a handful of seconds that he really remembered. He had thought his dad was in the room; that was a dream. He had thought they were fighting in Tartarus, and that wasn't true either, since Mitsuru-senpai had just told him that Akihiko was here with him all night. And he had thought…

Junpei straightened up a little. That other stuff about Akihiko-senpai…that _had_ to be a dream. Although why he would have a dream like that was beyond him. On the other hand, why had he dreamed about his dad? Even awake, he didn't want to think about that bastard any more than was absolutely necessary. The fact that he had apparently had a vivid hallucination about him and Akihiko-senpai doing it just proved how much a fever could mess you up.

Feeling a little more reassured, Junpei let himself lie back again. Then he slowly turned his head, unconsciously influenced by some vague scent or element that shouldn't have been there. He stared at the pillow next to his face for several minutes before it clicked.

He reached up and touched something on the pillowcase, then carefully plucked it off and held it up to the soft yellow light streaming in from his window. It was vaguely silver but when he turned it, it looked white. There were one or two other hairs like it close to the spot where he had found this one.

By the time Mitsuru got back, Junpei had flipped his pillow over.


	3. Insomnia

Junpei stood downstairs in the drafty hallway, reading the exam scores for the third year students. He had already seen his own; the sooner he forgot _that_ score, the better. He had glanced at the top score too, out of morbid curiosity, and seen Minato's name there. Now on an impulse he had come down here. There was Mitsuru-senpai…at the top. Not too far below her name was Akihiko's. He frowned and then went off to get some crab bread.

When he got back to the dorm that night, he glanced around. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he felt like something had changed. There was a tension here that he didn't like; after observing carefully though he didn't feel any more enlightened. After awhile Akihiko got up to go to bed, even though it was early yet. Junpei hung around to see if Minato was in the mood to go to Tartarus, but he wasn't. Everyone looked up when he turned on the TV, so he turned it off apologetically and went up to his room.

He put in a game but then paused it after a few minutes, unable to really focus. He sat there and stared at the two figures on the screen, frozen in their fighting stances against the elaborate background. A low, repetitive sound gradually became apparent in the silence of his room. He got up distractedly and paced around the room once, then put his ear to the wall. It was the sound of fists impacting against leather. Akihiko was awake in his room.

Junpei stood back. It didn't really mean anything to him that Akihiko wasn't asleep. He had no reason to go talk to him. He also had no desire to go to bed, though. He didn't really care for sleep much these days; he kept dreaming.

Akihiko didn't hear him knock. If he had, chances were he wouldn't have answered. The only thing that finally made him pause was the sudden light coming in from the hallway as his door opened and then shut. His room was dark.

There was a faint curse as Junpei tripped over something. Then Akihiko heard him ask, "Why are all the lights off?" and the creak of bedsprings as he sat down.

Akihiko turned toward the voice. "I was in bed. Then I got up." He wiped his forehead off on the back of his wrist and then asked, a little shortly, "Can I help you with something?"

"I couldn't sleep either."

He waited but Junpei didn't go into any further details. "…I'm sorry to hear that. What the hell does that have to do with _me_, though?"

Junpei seemed to straighten up a little on the bed and then hesitate. Akihiko was on the point of turning back to his punching bag, when Junpei said suddenly, "You did really well on the test."

"Yeah, well, not well enough." Now he did go back to it.

Junpei listened to the cadence of his punches for awhile and then said, "Yeah…I know."

The sound stopped. Akihiko didn't turn around. "…what do you 'know?'"

"Um…" Junpei shifted back a little. "Nothing." He scooted back further as Akihiko crossed the narrow room and came and stood before him. Akihiko leaned forward and Junpei felt the wall unexpectedly come to meet his back.

"What do you know?"

Junpei shivered a little. It was strange to think that a few days ago, Akihiko-senpai had seemed cold. Now he could feel the heat emanating from him. "I know that you didn't get the high score…and Minato did."

Akihiko just nodded. Junpei could tell even though it was difficult to see because of the way the air moved between them. "That's right. Minato did." Junpei expected anything to happen next, but Akihiko only turned and walked over to his desk. It sounded like he was taking his gloves off as he said, "I saw them together when I went to check my score."

"Senpai…"

"You can save yourself the trouble…there's nothing to say." Akihiko paused. "Except…you can tell me how the hell you knew in the first place."

"We talked about it."

"The other night."

"Yeah."

Akihiko pulled out his desk chair and sat heavily down. "When were you planning on telling me…that you remembered?"

Junpei swallowed and then looked over at the dim glow of the single window. The merest ghost of light shimmered on the sides of some of the trophies, outlining them. The area by the desk was dark. "If stuff worked out like you wanted with Mitsuru-senpai, then…never."

The room was silent for a long time. Then Akihiko got up, slowly. As he approached him again, Junpei heard him say very quietly: "You should take better care of yourself."


	4. Indiscretion

Mitsuru took another sip of coffee. "Thank you for coming."

"It's fine." Akihiko had already finished his and didn't feel like ordering another. He traced the ring his cup had left in the table cloth and waited for her to get to the point.

Mitsuru looked up at him and smiled, and something in her smile upset him. There was a kind of self-consciousness there that he had never seen before, and he knew he hadn't put it there. She spoke then, and even though he watched her lips half of the words didn't reach him. It didn't really matter; he had already known everything she was going to say. He focused on keeping his hands motionless on the table until she finally paused and waited for his reply.

"I think that's great." He did his best to sound sincere. Normally she would have seen through him, but she was preoccupied enough that she took his words at face value.

"Really…? To be honest, I feel foolish. I've never really felt this way about anyone before…"

"You're lucky. He's…" Akihiko looked out of one of the windows. The sky was just starting to fade. "He's a nice guy."

Mitsuru inclined her head gracefully. "I'm so glad you think so." Akihiko willed her to stop there, but she went on. "I don't think I could talk to anyone else about something like this."

_Wonderful_, Akihiko thought. "Well, you know you can always talk to me."

Mitsuru's smile of gratitude really was beautiful. He even managed to return it. Unfortunately, his smile seemed to give her the confidence to be a little more familiar with him. "Have you ever felt that way…about anyone?"

Akihiko stared at her. She only looked back at him mildly with a friendly, slightly confidential expression. He finally forced himself to blink and said, "Once. It didn't work out."

Mitsuru nodded as if it were of no consequence. "I'm sure this will be the same way too…but…"

"…you never know."

She smiled again. "Yes." The assumptive way she put down her half of the bill stung him, but he didn't say anything. "Thank you again for listening." She put her hands on his. With the gloves on he couldn't even feel the heat from them.

He stood up. "Sure. …Come on, I'll walk you back."

Later, Mitsuru was surprised when he stopped at the dorm entrance. "Aren't you coming in?"

He shook his head and put his hands in his pockets. "I have something else I need to take care of."

"Oh…you shouldn't have gone to the trouble to walk me home, then." Her glance was reproachful.

"It's no problem. Well, I'll see you later." He held the door for her and she reluctantly went in. Then he walked off in a different direction from the one they had come. The place he was headed for now was one he'd never been to before; he'd only heard about it in passing. Even so, it wasn't too hard to find. He was a little relieved and a little shocked to find out that Shinji had been right: they really didn't care what age you were.

He was careful to return when there wouldn't be a lot of people downstairs. Not only was he doing something that was against the rules, it was a bad example to the younger students. More than anything, he wouldn't have wanted to run into, say, Ken. Fortunately, the only people he saw in the lounge were Aigis and Fuuka. Aigis greeted him politely and tonelessly and went back to staring into space, while Fuuka barely looked up from her laptop. He wished them a good night and went to his room.

Once he got there, the first thing he did was lock the door. He took the small bag he'd been carrying under his arm and set it down on his desk, then went to get changed for bed. Tomorrow was Sunday. That meant that if he didn't wake up until late, it didn't matter.

It tasted pretty awful. Then again, it wasn't like he knew what was "good" and what wasn't. He had just looked at the alcohol concentration on the bottle and gone from there. And tonight was an 80-proof night, he had decided. He was about halfway through when it hit him suddenly and violently. If he hadn't been someone who normally exercised iron self-control, he wouldn't have been able to make it down the hall in time. As it was, he stumbled more than once.

The next thing he was really conscious of was a sensation of cold. He opened his eyes and everything was bright, _too_ bright. It made him feel like throwing up again and he repressed the urge with difficulty. Then something dark came in between him and that stabbing light and he looked up at it, gratefully. After a moment or two he was able to recognize the outline of a person. Someone was leaning over him.

Junpei mopped Akihiko's forehead again and looked down at him. "So, you mind telling me what the _**hell**_ made you think that was a good idea?"

Akihiko gradually pieced together that he was in the bathroom at the end of the hall. It was the overhead fluorescent lighting that was making his head want to explode. Junpei and he were both apparently on the floor. He moved a little and realized that his head was in Junpei's lap. He immediately tried to get up.

Junpei forestalled him with one arm over his chest. "Are you _nuts_? Don't try to stand up yet!"

Akihiko cursed weakly. "…a little quieter, okay? Damn…"

He heard Junpei heave an irritated sigh. "This isn't like you, Senpai."

_No shit._ "I've had a rough day."

"Yeah, but…"

"I don't want to talk about it." Akihiko managed to make his voice surprisingly firm under the circumstances.

Junpei frowned but accepted it. "All right, but…next time you have a rough day, I mean, you could just…"

"Just what?" Akihiko was in no mood for guessing games at the moment.

"You could just talk to me. Or, you know…somebody." Junpei didn't meet his eyes.

Akihiko wanted to tell him to mind his own damned business, but he ended up saying, "Yeah, sure. Maybe." His tone wasn't especially sincere but it seemed to satisfy Junpei. Then he had another thought. "What the hell are you even doing in here, anyway?"

"I wasn't asleep yet, so I heard you."

Akihiko shut his eyes. He really, really didn't want to ask the next question on his mind, but he had to know exactly how much damage he had done. "…did…anyone else hear?"

Junpei's voice was firm. "No."

"Really?" Akihiko's voice held a note of desperation. He really looked like hell at the moment, with his face paler than usual and his forehead clammy from the cloth Junpei had been pressing to it. He clearly felt like hell too…regret over what he'd done was already starting to show in his features.

Unconsciously, Junpei was reacting to all this. Instead of answering directly, he hesitated and then leaned in closer. When he smelled the alcohol on Akihiko's breath, though, he drew back sharply. "Shit! …you smell like my Dad."

Akihiko looked up at him witheringly. "Thanks, that's really touching."

"…Sorry."

"Just help me get up."

"Yeah, okay." Together they managed to make it back to his room.

After Junpei got him into bed, Akihiko blinked and looked over. "…it's light out there."

"Well…yeah." Junpei didn't look up as he fiddled with trying to get the sheets straight.

Akihiko was persistent. "_Why_ is it light out there?"

Junpei sounded a little embarrassed. "Well, you know…it's almost dawn." He tried to do something to fix Akihiko's shirt and Akihiko smacked his hand away impatiently.

"No, I _don't_ know. Exactly how long did we spend on the floor of that stupid bathroom?"

"It was awhile. You were kinda sick." Junpei hurried on when he saw Akihiko's expression. "But it's not a big deal. I'm used to this."

Akihiko felt ashamed and it made him angry. He turned his face to the wall and said, "Thanks for taking care of me. You can go now."

Junpei got up without a word. He was at the door when he heard Akihiko's voice again, quieter.

"…did I do anything stupid?" He seemed completely deflated now.

Junpei tried to smile reassuringly, even though Akihiko hadn't turned to face him. "Naw. You just said some stuff. I didn't pay much attention."

"What kind of stuff?"

"I really don't remember…"

"If you make me ask one more question twice, I'm going to break your stupid nose." Akihiko's voice was still tired, but Junpei didn't doubt he could back up his threat.

"You said a bunch of stuff about Mitsuru-senpai." Junpei gulped. "Then you said one or two things to me personally." Junpei seemed ready to stop at that, so Akihiko gave him a warning look and made a fist. Spurred to continue, Junpei finished, "You told me…your condition."

_Oh no_. Akihiko covered his eyes with one hand. He didn't have to ask what the hell Junpei was talking about, even though ignorance would have been bliss at this point. The memory was still too clear in his mind. He spread his fingers a little and stared up through them at the broadening sunlight, unwillingly replaying that night in his mind. He remembered Junpei saying, "I don't have conditions."

Junpei hadn't spoken in all this time but the silence was getting awkward. "Do you need anything else? 'Cause if you don't, I'm kinda tired."

"No. Go to bed."

"Yeah, okay. Later."

After Junpei left, Akihiko covered his pounding head with a pillow and tried to go to sleep, but even though he was exhausted, his mind didn't let him rest. The last time Junpei had been in his room, they had talked but nothing had gotten resolved. He finally managed to sleep after promising himself that, no matter what, he'd have it out with him tonight.


	5. Unfinished Business

"We have to stop circling around each other and _decide_ something." Akihiko scowled and pushed the notebook on his desk until it stopped against a warm can of Cielo Mist. "You could start by telling me what you actually want…" He paused. "No, that sounds too suggestive."

He rubbed his face and picked up the can, then set it down almost immediately. It had gone flat. "I wanted to talk to you tonight because…" Akihiko picked up one of his boxing gloves next and messed with the laces. "No. That sounds desperate." He set it down. _Why do I even have to do this? He started it._ He was just reflecting that maybe things would be easier if he waited for Junpei to approach him instead, when he was startled by a knock at the door. "Yeah?"

"It's me."

"Go away." The words seemed to come out of his mouth without any help from his brain.

Junpei was clearly hurt. "Fine. I just wanted to see if you were okay."

There was a scraping sound as Akihiko pushed his chair back and walked over to the door. He opened it, avoiding looking anywhere in particular as he said, "No…look, actually I did want to talk to you."

"Um…okay." Junpei was plainly a little confused, but he came in. Nobody sat down. They just stood there looking at each other until Junpei said, "Well…what? You wanted to talk, right?"

Akihiko nodded and then tried to remember if he had ever decided what he was going to say. "Yeah, um…"

Junpei waited, but nothing else came. He decided maybe Akihiko needed a little help, so he said, "So, uh, you seem like you're feeling a lot better."

"Yeah." Akihiko looked up. "Listen, we…"

"Uh huh?"

"…screw it." Akihiko abandoned conversation in favor of something a little less eloquent. Junpei was taken off-guard but he managed to respond after a moment. Neither of them had kissed before so it was a little awkward.

Junpei waited until he almost couldn't breathe before he finally backed away. He panted for a minute and then said, "What was that for?"

"Are you stupid or something?"

"_No_, it's just, I figured since nothing happened the other night, that was your answer."

Akihiko rubbed his elbows distractedly. "I wanted to do something then, but…you seemed like you were scared. So I didn't."

"So it's fine when I'm sick?" Junpei hadn't meant to say it like that, but he was a little irritated at being called stupid.

Akihiko took him seriously, though. He looked away guiltily and said quietly, "…I know I shouldn't have done that. I stopped, if that makes you feel any better…"

Junpei stared at him with mixed parts of admiration and horror. "You _stopped_? Damn."

"Well yeah…you started losing it again, what was I supposed to do?"

Junpei regarded him for awhile and then smiled, just a tiny bit. "Where did you stop? Can you show me?"

"Then…"

"…well…I mean, _yeah_, I'm up for it if you are."

Akihiko felt relieved. He took a step towards Junpei but then something stopped him. "First tell me what my condition was."

"Huh?" It took a moment before it clicked for Junpei. "…oh. It was kind of…you were drunk, remember."

"Just tell me."

Junpei rubbed the back of his head. "Well…you said I had to, um, say I loved you again even if I didn't mean it. I was kinda confused by the 'again' but I decided not to ask." He cleared his throat. "Anyway...you were sorta depressed about…stuff…and you said you needed to hear it."

Akihiko went red. "I…wow. That's really embarrassing." He looked down. "And stupid. Sorry I made you say something like that."

Junpei waved it away. "Oh, I didn't."

Akihiko's brows went up in spite of himself. "Damn, that's kind of cold."

"Yeah, you punched me." Junpei grinned when he saw Akihiko's face. "Don't worry, it didn't hurt. You were at a bad angle."

Akihiko shook his head. He had already heard enough to convince him that he shouldn't touch alcohol again until he was, say, ninety. "Is there anything else you want to tell me, or is that it?" He sincerely hoped there wasn't anything else.

"Just one other thing."

Visibly bracing himself, Akihiko asked grimly, "Yeah?"

Junpei had turned and was hanging his hat on one of the bedposts. "I love you."

Akihiko blinked once, then twice. "Wait…huh?"

"Well…it wouldn't be cool to say something like that when you were drunk." Junpei leaned back and said slowly, "Or…when I didn't mean it."

Akihiko sat down next to him. Finally he said, "You're doing something stupid, you realize."

"That's me."

Akihiko leaned in. Tonight, he was going to make damned sure nothing was left unfinished.


End file.
